Ojos Verdes
I am depressed. I hate my life and wish I could just start the following one. As a new person in a new family in a new place... I don't feel like going to the gym or jogging or hiking, don't wanna do Spanish, don't wanna read. I wanna take a handful of pills and go to sleep. But I know my boyfriend would hate that. I absolutely don't want to make him sad, so I pretend I am fine.

I had a bad talk with mom today, she pissed me off. She always does with her high expectations. Tells me what to do, what to like and what to want. Where was she when I was 13? She was too busy going to restaurants and gardening. And now she thinks she can fix it all up. Too fucking late. I used to admire her because she was never around, was always distant, beautiful and witty. She should have seized the moment but she lost her chance. Now I see her clearly: she's a selfish envious loser. Now I want to stay as far from her as possible. I wanna be a distant relative, this way she likes me better. And I don't wanna talk to her. Ugh...

We're going to movies tomorrow. Hope it will cheer me up just a bit. I feel so lonely and forsaken. I have no true friends save for my boyfriend, it's not normal, is it?

2013-05-29 в 19:07 

right away, great captain!
you will be fine.


Days of my Life